On the eve of Independence Day weekend, we Americans experience a bond of unity. Celebrations take place across the country, families barbecue in parks, flags fly on front porches, and fireworks paint the sky red, white, and blue. Despite our political differences, we hold fast to our founding ideals of freedom. 248 years later, these ideals are the subject of today’s culture wars heading into the general election. Who and what represents America? Yet we, as a nation, have not asked ourselves our most pressing question: How have we changed since 2020?
2020 represents our society’s preparation for a challenging decade. As we experience collective deja vu over a bitter rematch between President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump, the 2024 election season will likely see a resurfacement of the unrest, violence and chaos that has dominated our lives.
Wracked with anxiety, many of us sought refuge in nostalgia, or completely detached and sought refuge in escapism and entertainment. Some even became wrapped up in their own pain, believing that conflict would heal them.
The FBI reported that hate crimes reached a 12-year high in 2020. Guns also speak to the year. From the January 6th riots to the deaths of Breonna Taylor and others, to the purchase of more than 22 million firearms in one year alone. If guns are a symbol of a sense of safety in times of suffering, they must also express pain in times of healing. We are not at war with each other, we are at war with the pain. First, we need to publicly name it: grief.
Grief isn’t just about losing a loved one. It’s any time we experience a loss of normalcy. In America, grief is taboo, confined to the private sphere where only therapists and clergy can help. That makes grief personal, lonely, but the crises of the 2020s are a collective struggle, disrupting our normality — our routines and rituals — and thus the world as we knew it.
So my organization, Conversations by Courage, will be hosting an arts-based public memorial called “Poetic Pause” at Key and Cleaver on July 20th at 7pm. Memorials give us an opportunity to heal and reflect on the past. With poetry as a guide, this event will provide a space for healing and mourning.
Participants are asked to bring items that symbolize their experiences of grieving and healing. This event is part of the larger “Re-story US” initiative and is proud to be included in the World Design Capital San Diego-Tijuana program.
To recover, we must become a nation of mourners, and organizations can play a role in uniting us in our grief.
Despite the pandemic’s aftermath, there have been no calls for national grieving. Instead, we are expected to return to work or school and ignore, disguise or dismiss the need for aftercare. Campaigns encouraging mourning, respite and dialogue can boost morale and strengthen bonds.
Currently, there is no federal policy on paid bereavement leave. The Center for American Progress reports that three in four (76%) private sector workers have no access to paid family leave. With only five states (including California) having survivor leave laws, it is time to provide adequate and comprehensive bereavement support to all workers. Additionally, leave must be expanded to cover losses of pets, relatives, friends, miscarriage, divorce, and more.
Recognizing that every crisis causes distress, we begin to expand our reach to support employees in times of transition. In the aftermath of loss, flexibility is key. Organizations can use crisis transition plans to help adapt and return employees and students to work or school. Additionally, counseling services can help address the side effects of the crisis. During times of social unrest, we offer work-from-home opportunities, fund affinity-based groups, and create recovery days.
As we enter fall, the lessons of 2020 are clear: Crisis reveals our true nature. And without collective care, our social pain may become host to hatred. As we heal, in times of bitter division, grief, not guns, can become a symbol of national unity.
Holloway is the founder of Conversations by Courage, a consulting firm focused on connecting ideas, sectors, and communities for collective wellbeing. He lives in San Diego.
