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Stay ahead of the curve with our weekly guides to the latest trends, fashion, relationships and more
PPolitics, sex, religion and money.
These are the four pillars that, according to ancient wisdom, should never be discussed in public. At least, according to the wisdom of 1998: Chicago Tribune The article was headlined “Some topics to avoid in social conversations.”
The idea was that these potentially controversial topics were likely to make people uncomfortable and were therefore rude to bring up. Alas, times have changed. I’ve hardly been to a dinner party where at least one of these topics didn’t come up (especially sex talk, especially when it involves wine and women). Now, as the country gears up for a general election on July 4th (or Jenny Rex, if you prefer the vibe), there’s more reason than ever to hear the “P” word. Prepare yourself: politics has officially entered the conversation.
But given how heated political debates can often be, should you steer clear of them in certain situations, like the workplace? Online? What about if you have a difficult family member? Or on a first date?
It’s legally okay to express your political opinions in the workplace (within reason). Under the Human Rights Act 1998, “everyone has the right to freedom of expression,” says David Rice, HR expert at People Managing People. “However, this right is subject to other regulatory laws which restrict certain conduct. Put simply, while you can express your political opinions in the workplace, there are also circumstances in which you cannot.”
These situations include when abusive language is used or when a discussion is deemed “discriminatory.” Additionally, be careful not to post political opinions online that are “in conflict” with your employer’s values. Any of this could damage your career or even get you fired, Rice warns. “Ultimately, if you’re planning on sharing your political opinions at work or on your personal social media channels, it’s best to be aware of the rights your employer has before doing so.”
He added: “Political views can make people very angry, so even if you don’t intend to cause any harm initially, discussions can eventually become very heated and even violent, which is very dangerous territory as an employee. If you’re worried your views will cause a rift with a colleague, it’s probably best to keep your views close to home.”
I’m not saying you should always keep your mouth shut in the workplace, but think about who you’re talking to and why: “I think it’s entirely appropriate to avoid talking about politics in certain situations,” says co-author Robert Talisse, a philosophy professor at Vanderbilt University. Political debate in a polarized era“Our lives are structured around the different roles we play. Citizenship is a full-time job, but in some cases, the people who go to work just want to be coworkers.”
He warns against a blanket tendency to treat every interaction as an opportunity to engage in political debate, especially as elections approach. “We become really bad at politics when we only do politics together as a society. We start defining every relationship as friend or foe,” Talisse argues. “In our role as citizens, it’s important to leave space in our lives to see the best in people, in contexts that have nothing to do with their politics.”
Seo Bo, two-time world debate champion and author of this book The art of disagreeing wellagrees that knowing when to hold back and when to shut up is a fundamental skill. “It’s a sign of wisdom to be able to defeat your opponents, but it’s a sign of wisdom to know which arguments to join and which to abandon,” he told me. Yelling at Brian, the accountant, in the office kitchen because you disagree with him on immigration might be one of those times when it would be wise to walk away.
Our motivations for disagreement are also something we should ask ourselves: Is it because we want to better understand our colleagues and their perspectives? Or is it simply to outwit them and “win” the argument? Social media often encourages the latter, creating a kind of “shouting into the void” debate that doesn’t produce any results. While acknowledging the great democratic potential of the Internet, Tallis argues that “we’re not putting our ideas into a dialectical space where others can engage… A lot of what is presented as political debate is actually a kind of mugging against a pre-selected audience: ostensibly I’m arguing with you, but in reality I’m playing it out for people who are already on my side.”
If you’re worried that your opinion will cause a rift between you and a colleague, it’s probably best to keep your opinion to yourself.
David Rice, Human Resource Management
It’s a system that distorts political disagreement and is designed not to teach anything but to score points, “outwit” your opponent, and gain the support of online bystanders. “There’s almost no hope” for participating in online political debates as they currently take place, Talisse laments. “I think it should be avoided at all costs.”
Elsewhere, this combative approach is in danger of seeping into the messy world of political debates with our loved ones. Generational divides often lead to fundamental ideological differences between family members. Everyone has that one racist uncle. But they are the ones we can’t help but talk about the big issues with.
“We’ve recently seen a dynamic where public debates seep into private conversations and invade intimate spaces,” Seo points out. “For example, when the extended family is gathered for dinner, someone might pull a line from Twitter. It’s a special engagement, a quick and sharp retort.” It’s as if you’re not just talking about your political differences with your uncle, but making an example of him in front of an imaginary group. While this kind of crowd-pleasing may make sense on social media to get more likes, followers and engagement, it’s a harmful dynamic to bring into the private sphere. “It’s nonsense. There’s no point in ‘cancelling’ your aunt, because she’ll still be there,” Seo laughs.
So, should we only evaluate Sunak and Starmer as a side dish? Not necessarily, but we do need to be more purposeful and careful, not careless, when talking to those closest to us, and take things less personally. Before embarking on an argument with family or friends, Seo recommends setting out the ground rules for good disagreement resolution. “Any disagreement should start with some level of agreement, for example, how the conversation will proceed; will you both have equal speaking time, or will you take turns so as not to interrupt each other? And what are the actual points you disagree on,” he says.
Seo emphasizes the need to practice empathy, citing the techniques of top debaters. After preparing their arguments, they put themselves in the shoes of the other team and think about what points they would make or how to find holes in their original position. “Getting off-center shakes things up and creates little gaps where empathy can emerge,” Seo says. “Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes is very helpful.”
Reframe discussions as being with someone opinionCriticizing others without treating them as individuals is also an important step in learning to manage disagreements. “When having political discussions with family, friends, or colleagues, remember that you can condemn political ideas without blaming or degrading the people who hold those ideas,” Tullis points out. “It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that people can hold political ideas that are wrong and unjustifiable, but that doesn’t mean that those who hold those ideas are deplorable. Good people can hold bad ideas and be wrong.”
When you have different opinions, keep in mind that disagreement is only one possible response. For example, you could try to just listen. “You say your opinion, I say mine, and we agree to listen to each other’s opinions, but we don’t comment on each other’s beliefs,” Seo says. “We’re not necessarily trying to change each other’s minds, we just want to hear each other’s opinions.” He acknowledges that as a veteran debater, there’s the temptation to show off and “win.” “But when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. I realized that if I want to maintain a relationship, I have to recognize when it’s time to put away the tools.”
Speaking of relationships, where do political discussions fit into the already complicated world of romance? It all depends on what’s important to you and what you’re looking for, says romance, dating, and relationship coach Vicki Pavitt. For some people, having different political views “can be a non-negotiable, while for others, diverse views can lead to rich, thought-provoking conversations. If talking about politics is a big part of who you are, don’t hide it on your date, and be prepared that your date might have different views than you do. ” Knowing someone’s politics can actually be a great way to gauge compatibility, since it gives you insight into their values and what’s important to them, “but approach these conversations with caution and resist the urge to argue,” she adds.
When we get used to talking about politics only with people who agree with us, our thinking becomes blurred.
Robert Tallis
Instead of being quick to point out all the reasons why the other person is wrong, Pavitt encourages being curious and willing to try to understand your future partner’s perspective. “Ask open-ended questions and listen without interrupting,” she advises. “This shows respect and helps you learn more about who they are, what they believe, and what they value in life. Know when to agree to disagree to avoid getting into an argument, and it’s totally okay to move on if the conversation is no longer productive.”
The conclusion seems to be that talking about politics is acceptable in most situations (though not always encouraged), but only if it is done thoughtfully, sensitively, and respectfully. Even disagreement can be very positive if approached in the right way. The process of trying out ideas and seeing how they interact with opposing views has the “very important effect of shaking up some of our assumptions,” Seo said, theorizing that discussing quality with people who hold different ideological views can be the basis for reflection that “can really change people’s minds.”
Even if our views don’t change, they can be refined. One reason disagreement is important, says Talisse, is that a well-guided debate can help us better understand our own political views and positions. “When we’re used to talking about politics only with people who agree with us, our views tend to be loose, exaggerated, and inaccurate. Dissenting views help us understand what’s going on in our own minds.”
“Good disagreement can be a path to a richer life,” says Thaw. “Not simpler or easier, but more fulfilling.” And if that’s not reason to talk recklessly about Jenny Rex, I don’t know what is.
