To the Editor:
Regarding “Marriage, Sex, and the Decline of Consent” by Nicholas Kristof (May 30 column):
Women’s dissatisfaction with marriage is not new; it has simply become more pronounced as the availability of both contraception and abortion has allowed women to express their dissatisfaction by not marrying or remarrying.
Recently, the number of women choosing not to marry has reached alarming levels for people worried about the weakening power of traditional hierarchies.
It is not surprising, therefore, that a hallmark of the MAGA movement is its efforts to intimidate women back into dependency by appointing Supreme Court justices prepared to strip away the right to abortion and even contraception.
This bullying is dressed up in religious rhetoric that ignores the obvious truth that our religious freedom must always include freedom from the religious beliefs of others.
The only way to have a satisfying marriage is if both partners want it, and Kristof is right to stress the need for men and marriages to change rather than losing women’s ability to choose what kind of life they want.
Susan Stewart
Broomfield, Colorado
The author is a retired marriage and family therapist and co-author of “Flying Solo: Single Women in Midlife.”
To the Editor:
I share Nicholas Kristof’s lament that our society has become increasingly cynical about love and marriage, and I was disheartened to learn that many women believe that men are incapable of a fun, equal partnership. Is my wonderful husband really a rare find?
In our 15 years together, I have never once doubted the value of our commitment. He is my companion, my best friend, and my advocate. We run our home as a team, sharing tasks and making joint decisions about our son’s care. We discuss anything and everything. At the dinner table, we share what we’re grateful for.
Yes, there are indifferent men, there are violent and cruel men, and women deserve and should demand better, but there are also real winners out there: men who go to work, do the dishes, hug their kids, and love their partners.
I hope that future generations will not be so callous as to dismiss the possibility of soul mates of any sexual orientation. I hope that someday, somewhere, someone will give my son the opportunity to show that he can be as kind, loyal, and supportive as his father was.
Olivia V. Sanderfoot
Los Angeles
To the Editor:
Rather than repeatedly praising traditional marriage and monogamy, and constantly lamenting modern society’s move away from both, society needs new myths, models and institutions to support and celebrate modern, courageous and pioneering men and women who choose to live fulfilling lives without permanent lifelong partners.
Nicholas Kristof might consider using his brilliant intellect and imagination to address this need.
Lorif Purrington
Vienna
A misguided arms race with China
To the Editor:
Regarding Roger Wicker’s “The U.S. Military is Unprepared for War or Peace” (Opinion Guest Essay, nytimes.com, May 29):
Senator Wicker’s proposal to spend hundreds of billions of dollars on a costly, high-tech arms race with China over the next few years is completely misguided. Not only would it divert funds from other urgent national needs, it could increase the likelihood of a devastating war between two nuclear-armed superpowers.
As I pointed out in a paper I wrote last year for Brown University’s Costs of War Project, the United States spends roughly twice as much on its military as China, and far surpasses China in the number of nuclear weapons, advanced fighter jets, delivery systems, and total naval firepower.
The big unknown is the race for hypersonic and autonomous weapons systems controlled by artificial intelligence, making the relative capabilities of the U.S. and China more difficult to judge, but that is why the dialogue about whether and how to deploy these dangerous new technologies is most urgent.
“U.S. and China cooperation will be essential to addressing the most pressing threats to our shared future, from climate change to pandemics to global inequality. Doubling down on military policy toward Beijing is the worst possible way to preserve peace for decades to come.”
William D. Hartung
new york
The author is a senior research fellow at the Quincy Institute for Responsible Statecraft.
To the Editor:
Regarding “Doctors Still Figuring Out Adult ADHD” (Science Times, May 28):
As a psychiatrist who has treated many adult patients with ADHD, I appreciate your thoughtful article. One factor not mentioned as a challenge in making a diagnosis is the patient’s response to medication. Individual symptoms of ADHD are not specific to the disorder, but if there are enough symptoms to suggest a diagnosis, a trial of medication can provide useful information.
The most effective medications are stimulants such as Adderall and Ritalin. However, because of their physiology, people with ADHD are unlikely to experience the stimulant effects of these medications, but rather experience improved attention and organization. Therefore, whether a patient is comfortable taking the medication can be a clue to the diagnosis.
With regard to comorbid conditions such as substance use disorders, depression, and anxiety, these conditions are often the result of ADHD. Particularly in patients without a diagnosis of ADHD, overt abuse of stimulants such as cocaine may represent an attempt to self-medicate to deal with ADHD symptoms.
We also need to pay more attention to the emotional impact of undiagnosed ADHD: the frustration of trying to function with ADHD symptoms can affect one’s sense of self and lead to anxiety, depression, or both.
Bruce Cody Fisher
San Francisco
Trump’s divisive comments
To the Editor:
Regarding “Trump Oprah Supporters” by Kristen Soltis Anderson (Guest essay in Opinion magazine, May 28):
Anderson’s analysis of Donald Trump’s appeal does not address the responsibility of the American people for electing such a person as president. The power of celebrities to shape public opinion is the primary issue to be examined. American voters appear to prefer entertainment to engagement with the issues that affect their lives.
The former president recently said that there would be a “bloodbath” if he wasn’t elected. He also said that “Jews who vote Democrats hate their religion.” The rhetoric that Trump uses to denounce his opponents resonates with the uneducated.
When Trump said immigrants were “poisoning the blood of our nation,” I expected educated Americans to clearly reject and condemn such nonsense. When Trump and his supporters say they will “Make America Great Again,” educated Americans should ask what on earth they mean by that. Trump’s childish name-calling and contempt for others needs to be examined as irresponsible political rhetoric.
If he were to make statements like “threats from outside forces are far less sinister, dangerous and serious than those from within,” voters have an obligation to debate the evidence that supports such a claim. Trump is not a legitimate politician with an enlightened public.
Larry Hoffner
new york
