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Artificial Intelligence has been in the news a lot lately. Some people think that Artificial Intelligence is the second coming. I am not one of them. In fact, I think the best acronym for Artificial Intelligence is AI, which sounds like a scream when pronounced correctly. Every time I come across Artificial Intelligence, I feel like screaming.
I seem to be encountering this more and more these days. Every time I call a company for service, an AI answers the phone. And if it’s not an AI I’m yelling at, then what on earth is it on the other end of the line? It’s certainly not human. Not long into the call, I realize I’m yelling at the point where my blood vessels are about to burst.
You may be wondering what I am yelling. Well, I usually yell things like “A human being! A human being! A representative with veins and a heart!” And when that doesn’t work, I simply start slamming the phone on the table while yelling things that should never be printed in a newspaper read by anyone under the age of 18.
The first time this happened, I thought I was talking to a live person. It took me a while to realize I was talking to a disembodied voice. I realized this when the AI bot asked me questions it couldn’t answer. Like, “How do I get through to a human on this line?” But it can only ask questions it’s programmed to answer. If you ask a question that’s not on the list, it gets stumped. So even if you nearly burst a blood vessel screaming that you can’t answer, the AI will keep asking you the same question over and over again. Because it’s not your problem.
If you end up getting too annoyed and answering questions just to get the conversation going again, you’ll end up with answers you don’t need, because it was never your problem.
Yes, modern technology. Amazing.
And now, if I understood what I was reading with every turn of the page, I would have to worry that what we see and hear this coming election season may or may not actually be the person saying it. As if believing politicians wasn’t hard enough already. Now I have to worry that we’re not listening to them at all. I thought modern technology was meant to make our lives easier, not harder. Now I have to decide if it’s the real Donald Trump or the robot Trump. As if I could tell the difference.
Democracy has always been the hardest form of government for humans, because we have to think about it. In any kind of dictatorship, the people are actually prevented from thinking. They are told what to think, and to think otherwise would put their lives at risk. That means they are not even allowed to think. But in a democracy, you have to actually think in order to vote, no matter what level of intelligence you are. And that’s what makes democracy exhausting and difficult. It’s much easier to have someone tell you what you think. But an AI bot doesn’t.
No matter how cold it is outside, summer is coming, and it should be a time when we don’t have to think or worry about the future, except for spending the weekend outside. At least, that’s the theory. But this is a presidential election year, and we know the commercials, speeches, and noise will continue all summer long.
So my recommendation: Don’t let the politicians, campaigns, and AI bots ruin your summer. You have plenty of time this fall to figure out which candidates are lying the most. Now, spend your summer just letting their voices float around in the air above your head and not enter your consciousness at all.
If you can keep politics to the side of your plate while you munch on your burgers and fresh corn, you’re in for a great summer. And when the political pushers get rowdy, pour some ketchup on them and hope they don’t show up again until fall. After all, you can’t kill an AI with ketchup, no matter how much you wish you could.
Elise Patkotak Alaska columnist and author. Her book, “Coming Into the City,” is available at: Alaskabooksandcalendars.com It is also available at your local bookstore.
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