I’m talking about songs like “I’m in a Marching Band.” No parade is complete without this song. Or have you ever been to a wedding where “Summer Wedding Dance” never plays and everyone gathers on the dance floor? That would be like a Thanksgiving where you never hear “Draw a Hand Turkey.” These songs were not written in collaboration with composer Jack Mitchell. It’s not something we do often.
But just in case you missed out, we’ve compiled the perfect playlist of the top 8 songs of the summer. We’ve also provided links to listen to the tunes for those of you who live in a hole and are out of touch with the culture. You’re welcome!
8. “Sunscreen (In My Eye)” by Cali
Sunscreen is very important to protect your skin.
The largest organ in the body holds the internal organs inside.
The sun loves to attack the sun, but we love to defend it.
So, apply sunscreen to your epidermis, my friends!
I’ve been listening to this song ever since it hit the charts in 2011. Listening to the lyrics, it’s easy to understand why Cali never had a big hit with it. In a 2014 Rolling Stone interview, superstar producer Jack Antonoff recounted meeting Cali at a party and telling her, “Cali, your voice is fine, but if you keep putting certain dermatological terms in your lyrics, you’ll never be a mainstream pop star.”
Her subsequent singles, “You Put the ‘Cute’ in ‘Subcutaneous Layer'” and “ABCD! (Know the Signs of an Abnormal Mole)”, failed to chart.
7. “I’m in the Marching Band” Arranged by John Philip Schoed
The tuba is too heavy and the clothes are too hot.
I ended up stuck in a very uncomfortable position behind the horse.
And then I stepped on something the horse had forgotten.
I hate this marching band!
The music? A pure military march. The lyrics? Added decades later by an anonymous performer. I can no longer listen to the background music without hearing the lyrics, any more than I can listen to “Jingle Bells” without remembering that Batman stinks.
6. “The Showdown” from Les Grillsérables
Stop hovering Bring on the chips and coleslaw!
That’s your job as my son-in-law.
The grill is mine! I’ll be grilling up some burgers.
It wouldn’t be a barbecue without the two of them dueting on the grill, and if this works, maybe they’ll even get together for the follow-up duet on the album, “Red and Black” (“This steak should be red! This steak should be black!”).
Billed as “Les Miserables for guys who like to grill” and “Songs you’ll want to brag about to your uncle who’s never seen a musical before, but who you’ll probably love if he wasn’t so scared,” the concept album features an “I Heard This” blurb by Guy Fieri.
Other songs on the album include “On My Own (The Way I Do My Grilling),” “Do You Hear the People Singe?,” and “Bring Ham Home.”
5. “SAND”, Belka, Strelka, Bob
First it was in the sea, now it is on land.
You can touch and feel it with the palm of your hand.
It is a substance that we understand
And its name is… SAND!
Swedish electronic group Belka, Strelka and Bob surveyed the landscape of Europop hits in 2003 and said, “There are songs with different themes, but not one that’s universal! Sand is universal!” They were convinced they had a surefire hit on their hands and thought the song would write almost naturally, but that didn’t happen: people who have heard the Swedish original say the Swedish version is “slightly better.”
It’s not every year that a sand-themed Europop hit contains lyrics that negatively criticize George Sand, and the more I listen to this song, the less I believe Belka knows anything about sand. will you do Does it come from the ocean? Is that how sand works? Is it actually a material that we understand?
4. “Fireworks!!!!!” from “Soothing sounds for dogs (Vol. 6)”
It’s worse than a vacuum cleaner! There’s no escape!
They say it’s color, but I don’t know.
Quality control has dropped significantly since Volume 5 of Soothing Sounds for Dogs. In fact, I don’t think I’d even heard the song before its release. Thousands of dog owners across the country were suddenly faced with rock vocals, blaring guitars, and actual fireworks sound effects, to their dismay.
Unfortunately, the subsequent lawsuit only served to make the song more popular, and it became a niche hit among people who enjoyed albums of cats and dogs barking along to Christmas songs.
3. “Beach Traffic” by Beach Realist
The GPS keeps lying, saying there are still a few minutes left.
But the GPS has been showing that for about three hours now.
It was the only hit for the Beach Realists, a group that formed in the 1960s in direct response to the Beach Boys. “The Beach Boys are the provocateurs,” said lead singer Ryan Wantsdottir. “We’re the correctives. We were trying to bring realism and truth to the beach world, but with the same fun pop soundtrack.”
In later years, Wantdóttir was also an admirer of “SAND,” saying that “especially in the original Swedish, it captures the gritty reality of sand.”
2. “Summer Wedding Dance” by Party Stopperz
Now ladies, please say the following with a straight face:
I plan on wearing this dress again!
“I plan on wearing this dress again!”
No, I didn’t believe it again, guys!
I know some people will complain that “it calls it line dancing but never explains what the actual dance steps are,” but they’re wrong. The dance steps are the tough decisions that got you onto this wedding dance floor in the first place.
The song’s writer removed her name from the credits because her friends felt the song was a direct criticism of their wedding.
1. “Hot Dog 76” from “Nathan’s: The Musical”
‘Cause I’m Hot Dog 76, shining in the bun!
And here I am, sitting at Nathan’s, in the sunshine of a hot dog contest.
In this ill-fated show, a hopeful young hot dog is eaten while learning the harsh realities of life in Coney Island. Audience members commented that it “felt like a kids’ show, but the main character gets eaten alive.”
I’ll be honest with you, it’s a shame this musical only lasted one performance as it should have been a hit. I’ve heard the kick line alone was worth the price of admission.
The show’s producers blamed the show’s failure on the rise of jukebox musicals, saying, “These days, people would rather go hear songs they already know than see a singing hot dog perform brand new, entirely original songs with a full live orchestra before being eaten by Joey Joe’s Chestnut.”
I agree with him! What would you rather hear on the 4th of July? Another “Born in the USA” or this hot dog dying a horrible death? Don’t answer that question! Enjoy the playlist. Long live summer. Sandy, eye-stinging, loud, traffic-heavy reality or the summer we falsely remember as saved on Instagram. “Espresso” belongs to the latter. These are the former.
Lyricist and composer: Alexandra Petri Jack MitchellMusic by Jack Mitchell. Guitar tracking, vocal engineering and additional music by Conor Keelan. Vocals by Andrew Barbato, Jack Mitchell, Corey Moss, Anthony Norman, Emily Alcott, Fergie L. Phillips, Jamie Lynn Watson. Special thanks to Andrea DeVito.
