Eighteen months ago, I reflected on the state of my own aging body and predicted in these pages that aging would dwarf all other issues in the upcoming presidential election.
It’s a cliché now, but it wasn’t so clear then. Born roughly halfway between Donald Trump and Joe Biden, I felt I knew what only our age group knows with any certainty: It takes experience and a creaky body to foresee how unpredictable and unreliable life can be once you hit the biblical age of 70. Knees, hips, a clear mind. You can have them or lose them alike. Some you can get them back, some you can’t.
Since then, despite the same concerns everyone else felt, I wrote an essay arguing that Joe Biden was the only safe option to stand up to our generation’s predatory Godzilla, Donald Trump, and to defend our democracy itself. When a few pro-Biden voices began calling for Biden to step down because of his age, I argued that he should continue down that path. He was the only one who had actually beaten Trump, and there was too much at stake to bet on a lesser-known candidate.
But only if he faces severe pressures that would disqualify him, such as the eye-popping mental breakdown that Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell experienced last year, which I wrote was inevitable in a long, tough race with two older candidates. I didn’t speculate on which candidate that might happen.
Well, we now have such a moment. The headlights have been on Biden for 90 long minutes. The morning after his disastrous performance in the debate, voices have chorused together: Joe should resign. Nearly every Joe-friendly pundit in the country has called for him to step aside, and the New York Times editorial board has issued a shocking verdict. Supporters have wept on screens and online. Cheers from the MAGA world could be heard from Fox pillar to Fox pillar.
I couldn’t help but wonder why the Biden campaign postponed the first of the two debates to the impossibly early date of June 27th, and then scheduled the second for after the Democratic National Convention. That’s an extremely early date, and the touted reasoning (the Biden campaign wanted to get things moving early in the campaign) didn’t really make sense to me.
Now, I, any more than anyone else, can predict what’s going to happen. I still think we in Florida can pull off our own Dunkirk and flip the state to the Democrats. Or are trying to. But I have doubts about Biden that I communicated to my family before this debate that aren’t as clear amid the anxiety and sadness (and rejoicing on other fronts).
As my wife, son, and I waited for the debate to begin, before Biden stumbled onto the podium and met his mumblecore fate, I said to my son,
“I am speaking out about my allegations now, not later. I believe the most important thing is the date for this debate.”
My son asked why.
I told him my suspicions.
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“No,” said the son, “that’s a far-fetched, far-fetched theory.”
To illustrate my point, let me give you a brief glimpse inside the mind of Joe Biden. Imagine this is a transcript of one person’s thoughts. Imagine it’s early May, just before the June date for the first debate is agreed upon. For a moment, I am Joe Biden’s brain.
Inside Biden’s Mind
Look, here’s my plan… I’m 81, oh man, I’m in trouble. Six months to go. Of course I’ve got the nomination… but how much energy do I have left to campaign…?
Honestly, I think I definitely nailed the State of the Union. No, it was awesome. They prepared me so well and it was a great home week for me and a huge success.
I put the whole lame speech on the teleprompter! …pauses and all…half the Congress rose to their feet every few sentences and clapped like crazy! …What’s not to like? Nobody even slapped me. MAGA just sat there doing nothing. Yeah, I got some hecklers, but I fought back. Good. Ha! I was on fire! It was awesome!
But now they’re telling me I have to decide when to argue with the lizard monster… Oh, Mom… What did I do to deserve this?… What did the world do to deserve this indescribable creep?…
If it’s the same as last time, he’ll turn on the leaf blower and that chatterbox will make up a story about me. … Three debates! It’s right before the election, there’s no turning back. … Oh, this is tough. … Can I do three debates? I don’t have a teleprompter, I stutter, what if I’m not feeling well? And the stakes, the stakes!
I don’t ride my bike in the park. I’m healthy and I don’t have bugs in my brain. But Trump will wear me out, he always does. He’s high on Adderall and going nuts like a bat turd. He’ll say anything, anything.
I can run my country, I can run the rest of the world. I can deal with Macron, Xi, V, Z, that crazy Bibi… but those are decisions, not performances…! How can I put everything, everything on the performance of one of the three debates in October? How can I defy the odds that there will not be one truly bad moment in the three debates? Perhaps I will hand my country over to that horror show? What will history say? What will Gilles say?
Okay, how about this? … Think outside the box, Joe. … Why wait until October when everything is at stake? Cut it down to just two debates. And here’s the great part, Joe: We’re going to have the first debate six weeks before the national convention! That’s going to be radical, three months earlier than any debate we’ve ever had, but there’s a reason for that.
Of course, if I’m in good shape, I’ll do so in the hope of beating him. But if I don’t — if my 81-year-old body and imperfect memory fail me, I won’t have failed my country. If I really fail, I can still resign. Let’s have an open contest and leave the second debate to Kamala or Gavin or whoever.
I love it. I think it will work. I don’t need to tell anyone.
Furthermore, I feel like a summer cold is approaching.
***
So, what did I tell my son in the first moments of the debate? It’s not because I’m smart, but because I’ve been around a lot, I’ve played a little bit of poker, I know the signs. Biden may not play poker like Harry Truman, but he’s a decent guy and a smart guy. And I have an old-fashioned feel for when something seems a little off.
“I think there’s a reason this discussion is so premature,” I told my son. “It’s because this is a movement.”
My son looked puzzled.
“I thought Joe could get away with this. But he’s a fundamentally decent guy. If he flops in the debates, he’s hedging his bets. For the good of the country.”
Guest columnist Barry Golson covers the Tampa Bay senior scene. His articles have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times, Playboy, Forbes and AARP. He is the author of “Gringos in Paradise” (Scribner). Contact him at email address.
