It seemed unlucky to not have my phone, laptop or clothes on such an important day. But it was the best way to spend the day. Because, in retrospect, nothing happened. There was no information. I didn’t have any personal electronic devices. Keep exploring Nothing happened. And there was nothing. Still happening.
Instead, I cautiously turned the corner-mounted TV on to the highest channel, and thus I discovered a source of informational entertainment that could soothe our tormented souls. The only problem is that it is currently only available to a select few like me. This is outrageous, and why I’m writing this: something must be done.
I’m referring to the San Diego Zoo’s Kids Channel, where you can see the turtles enjoying being gently stroked on the back by their zookeepers.
Well, there is a cheetah who is best friends with a dog. The two met as babies and the dog helps the cheetah build his confidence. Orangutans like to play with bubbles. A group of penguins that live on land are called “dodderers”. At the zoo, they put elephant dung in the lion’s enclosure because the lions think it’s funny. No commercials!
Sure, I spent 24 hours hooked up to furniture with tubes and wires and eating food delivered to my mouth, and sure, my fellow recovering patients groaned in pain, but I felt the opposite of bubbling with rage.
On a screen, kids drew what they imagined a paddlefish to look like, then their drawings were judged by a paddlefish expert. (Look up a paddlefish — it’s amazing!) I saw a giant sculpture of a lion balancing on one front paw and watched a mini-documentary explaining how it was made. Sick children swam with dolphins. After three years of cancer treatment, a teenager who asked for a job at a zoo through Make-A-Wish is now getting his wish.
It’s geared towards kids but great fun for adults too.
Or it takes adults back to a kind of pseudo-childhood, which is what happens when you’re in a hospital. Everyone who passed by offered me ginger ale, or praised me profusely for having a normal pulse, or for being able to go to the bathroom on my own. But it felt good. was “It’s going well. Apparently he was given fentanyl.”
I haven’t seen the bill yet, but maybe that particular day I spent watching the Jagger Brothers wrestle instead of stressing out? Honestly, I don’t think money can buy that.
I later learned that the San Diego Zoo Kids Channel is a special closed-circuit program for hospitals with pediatric centers, so at this time, the channel is not available to watch at home. But why should only sick kids get a break? What makes them so special?
Part of the puzzle was a drug-induced dream. Kenny Loggins sponsors this channel. This is true, dear readers.
The San Diego Zoo Kids themselves had not commented at the time of writing, perhaps wanting to keep their treasures away from the general public and reserved for a select few.
That is not the world we want. Join me, and maybe Kenny Loggins, and demand access. The next time you’re in an airport, a waiting room, a gym, a hospital, or the next time you have nothing to talk about for hours, a stretch of nothing, imagine walking past a game show or a talk show and finding a lizard named Floyd sticking out his bright blue tongue to confuse and scare off a predator, and watching our national blood pressure drop 20 points. We might even survive until November.
