She has always been my biggest advocate. She believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.
(Illustration: Christopher Cherington | Salt Lake Tribune)
Rachel’s child was placed in the care of her foster parent, Heather, when she was five months old. The two women write a column sharing their experiences in foster care. Rachelle’s is below. Read Heather’s article here. To protect your child’s privacy as well as your child’s, only first names will be used.
5 months. How old was my child when he was removed from my care?
When I heard the word “child care,” nothing good came to mind. I wanted to hate Heather because, after all, she was there for all the milestones I missed, like crawling, walking, and talking.
It hurt to watch other people raise their children, but I knew in my heart that we had to work together as a team. Because it’s in the child’s best interest. And that’s exactly what we did.
At first I was angry and embarrassed. I thought to myself, “I can never let anyone know about this.” “What will they think of me?” I thought others would see me as a bad mother who didn’t love or care for my children, and I felt like I had to prove them wrong. I did.
As the reunion approached, I was incredibly nervous. I worried that I wasn’t good enough for my kids, or that they loved Heather more than me. However, Heather’s support and belief in me has led me to believe that I am the mother my child deserves. She has always been my biggest advocate. She believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.
[Read Heather’s story.]
Working with foster parents was probably the most difficult experience I will ever face, but I can truly say that it has made me a better person and a better mother.
People ask me how I manage to stay so close to the woman who raised my children, but the truth is, it’s simple. I know that Heather and my children will always have a special bond. And I don’t begrudge it because I know it will only hurt my child.
Heather has become a friend of mine throughout this long journey and I consider her family at this point. She still plays a very active role in my children’s lives. They meet at least once a month and communicate frequently. I will send her a photo of her. And she always fills her in on my kids’ stupid behavior because she knows her kids appreciate it.
As a single mother, you need as much help as possible. I am grateful that Heather is still showing up to her family even though my duties as a foster parent for my child are over. It takes a special person to step up and be there for a child who is not their own. That’s why she will forever hold a special place in my children’s and my hearts. That is a nursing home.
rachel He is the proud mother of three children, two of whom are dogs, and has a passion for helping people.
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