- My husband and I are on the same page about almost everything except politics.
- Our arguments can make us feel like worlds apart.
- Through our discussion, I realized how much I equated agreeing with being accepted and loved.
My husband has been my best friend for 20 years.
We met and married when we were young, and throughout our 13 years of marriage, we’ve been on the same page about just about everything, from finances to parenting to which show to go to next. We can always talk about anything and value deep conversations.
But when it comes to politics, it can feel like our arguments are tearing us apart.
We come from two different worlds with evolving perspectives
Born and raised in the UK, my husband lived in Australia for 6 years before moving to his home state of Alabama. I have lived in Alabama all my life and have a lot to talk about from my various life experiences. Although we are never diametrically opposed, our differences are usually enough to spark heated arguments rooted in our different experiences.
We can’t help but talk about politics often. After all, we have always talked about everything. It’s instinctive to ask each other what they thought of the day’s headlines. But we’ve had enough contentious discussions by now that we’re more selective about what we cover and when.
We have young children, so it’s hard to find the right time to discuss politics. We don’t usually have to hide our conversations from our children, but when it comes to politics, we can feel our children’s temperatures rising even if we keep our cool. . Of course, we reassure them that this is okay. We want our children to grow up knowing that they shouldn’t be afraid of disagreements and that even heated debates are healthy.
However, I think I still need to make more effort to believe in this than my husband does.
Through our discussion, I realized how much I equated agreeing with being accepted and loved. Our marriage has never had to be this challenging because we rarely take sides. I know that disagreeing with him on political issues is not a threat to our relationship, but sometimes it feels that way. It can sometimes feel like we know so little about each other that we don’t know where we stand.
It helps us remember that we are not reduced to our political viewpoints
I don’t think we are alone in feeling disconnected because of political differences. The polarized political climate in the United States is certainly a contributing factor. Once you’re on the other side, you may feel completely wrong. When we stand our ground, we find ourselves believing her husband even though we know it’s not true.
But at the end of these heated debates, we are reminded that our identities are not reduced to political viewpoints. Our connection does not depend on where we fall on the political spectrum.
And when we take the time to understand where the other person is coming from, we realize that the core traits that make us love and trust each other also drive our different political views.
If we can keep this in mind, we can refine our opinions by listening to each other. While I may agree that there is not much point in trying to change the politics of strangers on the internet, open and honest discussions with those closest to us that we love and trust. I think it can be as intense and productive as possible. He and I have certainly changed our opinions in light of the other’s opinion.
But it’s not helpful to argue with each other about things we can’t really control, so we’re working to reduce that. Easier said than done.
I think the key for us is to trust in the strength of our connection. I’m learning that disagreement doesn’t always mean disconnection, even though it feels like it. And I’m getting more comfortable with that being part of our relationship.
I am now more convinced than ever that I don’t need anyone who thinks exactly like me. Conformity is not necessary to share unity. I just want someone to love, respect and listen to me as much as I love him.
And that’s what we’ve always done well.
